Force of Love

By Amanda Jenen

Love expands and multiplies to satisfy a need.
It cares not for arbitrary labels, not for gender, race or creed.
Love is not affected by choice or by intention,
It cares not for our will or by any preferred direction.
Love is a force, like any other, removed from our control.
You cannot turn it on or off, just like you cannot make it snow.
Love just is, and that’s enough. No judgment can pin it down.
It exists like gravity, with no more care for it’s effect upon the ground.
Explaining it is therefore pointless, how do you explain the wind?
You can’t see it, yet you feel its presence gently caress your skin.
So fighting love is futile, you could no more fight the sky.
The only option is to acknowledge its power,
And to yield to its silent cry.

Recognition

By Amanda Jenen

My soul recognizes yours, your energy complements mine
You inspire me to be better each day, to be more me.
We share the same thoughts, in-sync in a way that’s uncanny.
When I look into your eyes, its like seeing myself reflected
Your thoughts dance across your face, easy as a page to read.
The connection that pulls us together,
thrums a beat I can’t ignore
Closer, I want to be near you,
you fill me with an excitement that roars. 
It’s like a drug I can’t kick, a high I want to maintain.
It’s a perfect song, or dancing in the rain.
You meet every need, and challenge all my skills and strength
You both exhaust and delight me.

Attract, and frustrate. 
I don’t know every detail of your life, I don’t know all your hopes and dreams. 
But my soul is in-tune with yours, and its loud,
and strong and sweet.

Addicted

By Amanda Jenen

What is it about you that makes me give so much?
What magic spell am I under that makes me crave your touch?
How can all this emotion and anxiety simply disappear
And take with all the doubt and the accompanying fear.
Your buried so deep in my heart, I’m not sure I’ll ever get you out
Even if I wanted to, it would kill me I have no doubt.
I’ve tried not wanting, I’ve tried not needing
I’ve tried so desperately to stop feeling.
With you I’m inspired, enthralled riding high
With you I’m an empty shell, a bird that cannot fly.
Trying not to think of you is like trying not to breathe.
I can hold it in for a while, then It comes crashing out of me.
How long would it take to wean myself from you?
A month, a year, forever? I’m changed from knowing you.
This addiction isn’t healthy, but it makes me feel alive.
This tightrope, roller-coaster ride.

Build Up

By Amanda Jenen

When you find someone that’s special, unlike any you’ve met before.
The excitement of connection, the mystery of it makes your heart soar.
In a state of continued amazement,
The more you learn, the more in awe
Inspired by the brilliance, the synchronicity of thought.
Aware in every moment of everything you’re not.
The build up continues, longer than you would have guessed
Then the first imperfect sign emerges, a relief, but also a test
How will they respond to a misstep, how will they make amends?
The way they handle mistakes, restores any faith that was lost.
The relationship deepens, more invested due to the cost.
The more you are around them, the more you seem to need.
Is there an end to this climb? Will this feeling ever recede?
What happens when your mistakes make them pull away?
How will you fill the hole they’ll leave; how can you make them stay?
When does the build up lessen, when do things just slow down.
When can you just feel comfort,
instead of the constant merry-go round?
When will this longing be satisfied?
More time more attention only makes it worse
Is all this build up, building up into a curse?
When the rise if over how high will I have to fall?
For I am certain that I will fall forever,
Grieving every moment, it all.

Slave

By Amanda Jenen

A sweet ache, a jolt, a zing
Fire embers banked hot and long
A high so sweet, I want to scream.
Waiting, wanting makes my body thrum
Heart racing, fast snare upon a drum.
Wish upon a burnt out star
That you’ll glance my way
Look at me, make me burn
Tell me what to say.
A pull on my core, like a puppet on a string
Make me dance, jump around, a slave to everything.
Reaction, attraction, chemical overload
Wound so tight I might explode.
Touch me, kiss me, make my body hot. 
Sweet surrender of the senses
Please untie the knot!
Undone by a look, on fire with a touch
I want, I want, I want so much!

Unspoken Love

By Amanda Jenen

You have taught me to question my own expectations.
To analyze, and question because of frustrations.
To let go of the anger, the need to be right.
To look for resolution, instead of provoking a fight.
You’ve shown me I’m stronger than I ever could have believed.
That its not the mistake, or the failing, but our reaction that supersedes.
I know that not being perfect is really ok.
Its how we manage our flaws that matters at the end of the day.
Beyond selfish interest is a dream worth pursuing
That will test every resolution, make you question the doing
Once you’ve started, there’s not stopping, just keep pressing forward.
Small victories matter, small progress rewarded.
When I want to give up, when I want to bask in the injustice,
You pick me back up, smile, and say “we’ve got this”.
All the many ways you’ve helped me to grow
All of the counsel, the care that you show.
It means more to me than I could ever hope to say
The depth of it takes my breath away.
So, I will you with just a sincere “Thank you”.
And leave unspoken the “I Love You”

Sweet Spot

By Amanda Jenen

What if I could keep that sweet spot. What if it never ends?
I want to maintain it so badly, I wish there was a way to extend.
Most times I can keep myself busy,
most days I don’t miss you at all.
Then there are days like this one,
when distance makes my mood fall.
You’re in every moment unguarded,
when my thoughts wander where they may.
You’re deep down in my belly, aching sweetly,
never letting my mind stray.
This longing is almost painful, I wish I was in your arms.
I just want you to protect me, give me shelter from this storm.
Tomorrow will be better, I will need you a little less.
Until something reminds me of you, Oh, what a beautiful mess.
I know this can’t last forever, which makes me sad,
but also relieved.
This sweet spot has too much power,
too much control over my every need.
So, I will bask in this bi-polar feeling,
the painful joy you always inspire.
Until this feeling turns to ashes, instead of a raging fire.

Surprised

By Amanda Jenen

Will wonders ever cease,
or will this amazement steadily increase?
Every time I am ready to give up,
you come around and fill my cup.
I don’t have to ask, I don’t have to beg.
You’re just there to put me right again.
Over and over you continue to show,
that you care more than I’ll ever know.
The simple things you do and say,
simply take my breath away.
When I think I’ve got you figured out,
you’ll surprise me and erase all doubt.
Each time I think this will end in tears,
one smile from you quiets my fears.
Whether expectations lead to pain,
it seems like all I do is gain.
More trust, more respect, a clearer view of your soul.
Shedding the layers, ever deep we grow
Can I stop protecting my heart
and just trust you’ll keep it safe?
Will my last soul deep barriers ever be erased?

If I Was Braver

By Amanda Jenen

I wish I was braver, that I could pretend your rejection wouldn’t destroy me.
I could walk right up and kiss you, take you completely off your guard.
I wonder how you’d react, if you’d pull me closer or push me away?
I’ve thought about it fast and slow, what overcomes your fear?
Do I inspire lust or love, or both in equal and overwhelming parts?
Sometimes just being near you sets my body on thrumming.
The way you look right through me, your eyes shining with so much love.
It punches right down to my core and heats my blood until I can’t think of anything else.
I want you so badly, it’s all I can do to hold back my aching arms.
To not touch you, to not kiss you, to not seduce you...

Acceptance

By Amanda Jenen

Acceptance is a powerful thing,
When love is returned it makes your soul sing.
The beauty of this feeling crystalizes each detail,
The world is more vivid, more colorful, more real.
At peace, and feeling somehow complete
The final puzzle piece is placed, leaving you replete
Floating on a sea so calm
All worry and fear, replaced by brilliant dawn
I will remember this feeling, this serenity, this bliss
I will remember you, as long as I exist.

Loss of Me

By Amanda Jenen

You can feel the loss of me,
You can feel me slipping away.

You grasp as you try to hold onto me,
Yet you can’t convince me to stay.

For you’ve finally burned the last bridge down,
you’ve now made your final mistake.

My hearts far to shattered to heal now,
There’s nothing left for you to break.

I gave you more chances than anyone.

More forgiveness than I’ve given most.

I’m far too exhausted too keep playing this game.

I think I’ve earned the right to just coast.

Go inspire some new shiny object.

Get them to dance to the tune that you play.

For I see now the strings, and the masterful moves,
Your plans to get your own way.

I’m shocked I’ve been fooled this easy,
For I usually see through the lies.

What I thought of as good, as so right only yesterday.

Now will undoubtedly end in goodbyes.

Breeched

By Amanda Jenen

The walls have been breached, no, more like knocked down.
What was left of the restraint is just ashes all around.
I followed my heart, I told only truth.
My soul laid bare and naked, exposing the proof.
No more a secret I keep bottled inside.
No longer the worry, that he’ll see what I hide.
For it was already known, like you knew without words
My innermost thoughts, my feelings, inferred.
Now, you know me down to the very core,
And treat me like a lady, instead of a whore.
Although its unspoken, I too see your soul
Its brilliant and strong, but there is also a hole
A space never filled, through you desperately try.
That spot only fits me, a truth you cannot deny.
Your walls are still standing, the lines clearly drawn
Yet, you still feel like home, and so I carry on.
Loving at a distance, knowing without saying.
Our souls complete the other, there is beauty remaining.

Endless Time

By Amanda Jenen

My body thinks its time to fight, or time to run away.

This adrenaline has no outlet, its cost I still have to pay.

The pain is sharp and restless, needing some kind of release.

Nothing seems to ease it, its like I’m missing the important piece.

It’s all sweet ache and jitters, leaving my soul adrift.

My ability to live in the moment gone, nothing to make my spirit lift.

I can block it with distractions, I can shove it back deep in my head.

It always come back though, the unceasing panic and dread.

The remedy is obvious, yet completely out of reach.

There is only one thing to soothe my heart, only you can mend the breach.

I will suffer here in silence, for there isn’t an easy way through.

Absence and silence accost me, in this endless time without you.

Pulling Away

By Amanda Jenen

I spent all this time removing your walls.
With each brick removed, another would fall.
When they finally came down, no more barriers in play
You said “Put them back up! We can’t keep it this way”
So, I took a step back, re-building despite of regret.
Knowing this need would never be met.
Each brick back in place, makes me want to scream!
A missed opportunity, that was only ever a dream.
It still hurts my heart to pull away from your soul.
Even though it’s the right thing, best for all those involved.
The small selfish girl, deep inside of my heart
Wants desperately to fight, to tear the new walls apart.
I will just keep rebuilding, until the walls are so high
That even that part of me, won’t want to try.
Maybe then, I’ll move on, I can finally heal
From this dream of you, which for now is too real.