Everything Else
Ashes and Flame
By Amanda Jenen
A bed of ash still hot underneath.
Seeks fuel to re-ignite, and air to breath.
A flame erupts, quick stomp it down!
Ashes, ashes all around.
Another spot, this lit up fast, like someone’s added gas.
Can’t put it out its everywhere!
Fire, Fire need some air.
All flames are out, wait there’s another
A bolt of lightning, then the thunder
Crashing, crashing all so quick
The smoke is sure to make me sick
Finally, out the light has died, only a red glow left inside
This bed of ash can easily fool you into thinking it has cooled
Until the wind picks up once more
Fire, Fire at your door.
Cup
By Amanda Jenen
Fill the cup one drop at a time
slowly It fills ever raising the line.
How much can it hold, this cup of mine?
No way of knowing, no warning, no sign.
One day, one drop, will cause and overflow
The anxiety of not knowing continues to grow
Which drop will push it over the rim?
How will I manage when the deluge begins?
Darkness
By Amanda Jenen
Why do I let myself sink into the dark?
When I know it solves nothing, just injures my heart.
I can’t help but want to dissolve in the pain
To soak it all in, let it fall down like rain.
Will I recover, if I let it wash me?
Maybe this darkness could wipe my soul clean?
I’ll only dip my feet in, I’ll only have a taste
Only a sliver of light will be replaced.
A dangerous thing to step into the dark
The only decision, is when to embark.
Moral Crisis
By Amanda Jenen
Do the ends justify the means?
Can you wade through the mud, and stay clean?
Does good intent, give license for all?
Do your actions matter when you’re against a wall?
Can you hurt one for the good of many?
Do you draw that line at two or twenty?
All justification, all shades of grey
Never really know the full cost we pay.
What is the price of repairing your soul
Can you ever know, does it matter at all?
If someone knows all your innermost truth,
Do they judge by your words, or by the path that you choose?
Are all the lies and deceit worth this tangle?
Can the answer be found, by changing the angle?
Amazing
By Amanda Jenen
At some point you’re amazing
What does that even mean?
Just another way to measure,
An expression of a dream.
Why does simple caring inspire so much awe?
Is it forward momentum, that makes others stop to pause?
Is authenticity so guarded, so infrequent, its stands out?
In a world built on appearances, is there only ever doubt?
How do you tell what is worthy of acclaim?
When we are deaf to the noise around us,
Too absorbed in our guilt and shame.
Acclaim depends on another’s perspective
So how is amazing a worthy objective?
Shaky Ground
By Amanda Jenen
How can I go from a solid foundation, laid of precisely set stone?
To a bed of quicksand beneath my feet, sucking and pulling me down.
A beautiful house of glass, solid and strong and clear
Suddenly splinters and shatters, raining down shards of fear.
What once reflected my dreams, now lays broken and ruined before me.
What was strong and so unbreakable, now knocked over by a breeze.
Cornered and trapped, a frightened mouse waiting for the cat to strike.
Despairing of ever trusting again, forever banished into the night.
So easily trust is ruined, so fragile though it seems so strong.
When you think that someone has your back,
then you realize you were wrong.
Broken Tower
By Amanda Jenen
You think what your building is as strong as stone.
It can weather the onslaught, break any bone.
Your trust that its solid, you have faith its secure
Then the stone starts to crumble, the foundation unsure
You anchor the weak points, shore up the cracks.
The structure is stable, you can take a step back.
More chips break away, new cracks start to show.
Your patches are holding at least as far as you know.
Its falling down faster than you can possibly mend
An onslaught of chaos, that refuses to end.
You watch as it weakens, falling apart at the seems
You stand paralyzed by sadness, holding your dissolving dreams
What can you hope to possibly save?
When you stand amidst the debris of all that you’ve made.
Can I just walk away, let it all turn to dust?
Will the chain around my heart ever rust?
A prisoner of my own fortress, the only choice is to stay
And remember the beauty, despite the decay.
Me Alone
By Amanda Jenen
Looking back at the mistakes I’ve made
Did I learn what I was meant to learn, did I change?
The growth feels slow, but looking back,
I’ve grown enough to stay on track.
Getting up after stumbling down,
at least I didn’t stay on the ground
Is it enough to have carried on?
To have pushed through hell,
Bruised and sore but still as strong?
Who is keeping score? What judgement will I face,
When I finally manage to complete this race
It’s me alone I have to please, it’s me
Just me, here on my knees.
Trapped
By Amanda Jenen
Caught in the middle, pressure from all sides
pushing and pulling, we don’t move or slide
a constant tug of war, isn’t worth fighting anymore
can’t hold the wolves at bay, doesn’t matter anyway.
Too exhausted to fight, to overwhelmed to try
All I seem to do is cry.
Can’t talk about it, it makes no sense
I’ll remain forever on this fence
Caught in the middle, no relief in sight.
The last rays of sun are fading, so begins the night.
Runaway Train
By Amanda Jenen
It’s been a long day full of joy and pain.
Chasing the minutes, like running from a train.
Now I feel run over, empty, beaten down.
Fingers pointing right at me,
Why won’t it just slow down?
Spinning madly out of my control
Don’t know my direction,
I’m just trying not to fall.
My fears come into the present
This worry and dread now have a name
The first screw up has happened,
and I’m the only one to blame.
Another Day
By Amanda Jenen
The dust has settled, and I’ve survived
I’m battered, and bruised but still alive
I can’t tell yet if I’m stronger
It’s far too soon to tell.
This judgement and resentment,
Has put me through hell.
Tomorrow will be better.
The sun will rise again.
My wounds have started healing,
The catastrophe at an end.
I will take my shattered spirit,
and tuck it safe away
Until I’m fully recovered
and can fight another day.
I Can't
By Amanda Jenen
I can’t do this anymore,
Please stop banging at my door.
My strength’s run out again,
I need this anxiety to end.
I can’t breathe, it’s all too much
Crippled here without a crutch
There is too much shame for me to bear
I can see the judgment in your stare
No more excuses left to make
Only mistake, after mistake, after mistake.